To the girl who cries in her sleep

 

This is to all the girls who cry in their sleep over reasons we think aren’t reasonable. It’s stupid how we have 24 hours a day and of all the time, our hearts remember those painful memories minutes before we sleep that makes us cry to sleep.

A lot of people think it’s ridiculous to cry over a guy, some even laugh at you or look down on you when they find out that the reason for those swollen eyes is the guy who broke your heart a thousand times. What makes it harder is that aside from the feeling of pain that this guy is giving us, we need to hide these from the people around us.

There are times when we remember something about the person and our hearts starts to ache, without knowing our eyes are getting teary, but then again we have to stop the tears from falling because someone is here because someone might see how devastated you really are inside. You are too afraid to share to others because they might say you are exaggerating or you are getting annoying from talking about that guy all day and you just choose to be alone and just sadly comfort yourself.

Our pain feels doubled because we need to stay composed in front of the people who don’t want to see us in pain and I am referring to our families who only longs for our happiness.  For many reasons, we tend to hide these feelings of pain from them because maybe we don’t want them to feel sad, or we don’t want them to be disappointed to the person who broke our hearts, or we are afraid that they might not allow us to continue seeing that person again because in our hearts there is still a percentage of hope of getting back together.

How many days has it been like that? How many times have you been hurting your beautiful eyes? How many times have you been stopping those tears from falling? How many nights have you been crying yourself to sleep? How many times have you been feeling afraid of night, think of him and cry again?

Every night of yours must be full of thoughts about him, a thousand unanswered questions running through your mind:

“Why did he do that?”

“Am I not pretty?”

“Why did he leave me in a heartbeat?”

“Why is it easy for him to let go of me and our memories?”

Sometimes, you even blame yourself.

“Oh! Maybe because I was too strict..”

“Oh! I knew it. It’s because I didn’t do this or that”

You remember, you were the flower that captures his eyes first but now you are just like a wind passing by. And after those endless questions that are bothering you, you just end up comforting yourself which is a really very heartbreaking thing.

”Ah.. I’m sure he’ll explain to me soon” or

“It’s okay; maybe he’s just confused right now. We’ll definitely get back together.. I’ll just wait”

People may ask, is it really possible to comfort yourself? Yes? No? I say, only those people who have tried getting their hearts shredded can answer that.

I know you’ve been hurting and you want to leave this agony, but you are tied with the memories you had with him, memories that changed you to who you are today, good memories that gave meaning to life, and good memories that became a hand to hold in times of darkness. And we can completely are aware of how tenebrous it is.

I technically believe that there is no man in an island; that’s a quote I’m sure everyone has heard of. We need other people to survive. It’s hard to live alone, with no family, no loved one and no friends to talk to. It’s actually a choice, a choice to live alone or not. All I want you to know is that, when that man chose to live in that island alone, he must’ve said to himself: “its okay! I can do this. I can live alone”.

If we try to imagine the quote literally, I’m pretty sure that the man didn’t die right at the moment he stepped foot on that island, he strived hard to be okay, he did his best to live as long as he can. So, we can assume that he lived for at least a week and probably died maybe after sometime. But the thing is “He actually lived for some time, it could be a really short time, but he did.”

Let’s give it a thought and connect. Just like you, when you have a hard time like right now, and you choose to live in an island where no one will see your dolefulness because you don’t want to see your family getting hurt after seeing you broken, it’s okay! You might say “I can do this. I can surpass this scourging pain without letting my family know”. It’s your choice, you can. Go, go somewhere you don’t need to hide, somewhere you don’t have to stop tears, and somewhere you can shout and let it all out.

Cry, it is okay.Curse at him, it is okay. Beg him to stay, it is okay. If you are tired, rest. Do whatever that makes your heart feel better, your heart has been in suffering for quite some time, give it a break. It is okay, it is okay. You don’t have to act firm, you don’t have to pretend. It’s okay!

If you choose to be alone, do it. But when things are not manageable anymore, when pain gets unbearable, when you feel like it’s too dark for you to overcome, don’t assert. Give up! Give up and just look behind, you’re family will be there. Let them be the wall you can lean on, let them be the blanket to keep you warm, let them heal your heart.

Cry your heart out, express everything to them and half of the pain will pop off like bubbles. Have you ever noticed? Hiding your feelings from the people you love actually makes it more painful for you, it makes the suffering longer, even if you cry every night or during baths, it just feels like it won’t heal. So reach out, you don’t have to live alone.

If that man in the island didn’t insist of living alone even if it was getting hard, he could’ve lived. Nah! I’m not saying we’ll die of broken hearts, but let’s not let ourselves suffer. Oh, we are too precious and loved to be aching. Remember how joyous and pain free you were before him. You can make it out alive. Trust yourself.

Instead of saying “He’ll be back” say “I’ll be back”. Be back to the happy self.

Tomorrow’s sun will rise, don’t let pain from the past stain your heart. Like the flowers, there’s a time to fall and time to bloom. You are beautiful, you are worthy, you are loved, you are precious and one day the perfect guy God has prepared for you will hug you tight and surprisingly all the broken pieces will go back together.

Let this remind you every day, time will heal. One day, you’ll just laugh at how devastated you were, you’ll look back and say I survived the heartquake, you’ll be surprised how you had a tough time. Let this play in your mind right now, “I’ll get by.. One day, I won’t be hurting anymore..”

To a friend, love one or family who could be experiencing this:

“I may not know how painful you are feeling right now, but I want you to know that whatever your decision is, I’ll be beside you. If you choose to give it another shot with him, I’ll be here. If he again hurts you, I’ll be here to listen to you. Please don’t suffer alone. If you feel like the world is against your choices, know that I’m here. I could not be enough, but I’m here. If you feel so confused, my suggestion could not be very helpful but I can be someone you can talk to. Whatever you decide to do, I’ll be here nodding and cheering for you. Just don’t let your heart be in so much pain, choose what will make you happy. Whatever it may be, as long as it will make you happy, I’ll be here.. If you are worried of not being able to live without him, that’s a waste of time. You are important to us, and so we don’t want to see you lonely but it’s better than knowing that you are carrying everything alone in your heart. You’ll be okay! You’ll be okay! And every night, to God I pray for your healing..”

 

 

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