Have you ever tried so hard to reach something? Have you ever tried so hard to make your dreams come alive and make your loved ones proud? Have you ever been in a situation where you had to ignore your worries and look forward because you chose to follow your dreams than to look back and might get confused? Have you ever tried the feeling of desperately wanting to reach something that’s before your eyes but no matter how long you stretch your arms to reach it, you just can’t reach it. Do you have the slightest idea of going through a lot and forgetting other important things to achieve your goal only to know that no matter how hard you work, you just can’t be there?
They told me it wasn’t for me. That God has prepared something else for me.
Of course, I know that.
Of course, I am very skilled at accepting decisions.
and of course, I lack the skills of moving on.
When I knew I couldn’t reach it, I was so sad. I felt miserable and that very moment I told myself “I failed. Again”.
Many times I failed my family, many times I failed myself, and many times the things I wanna reach says “It’s not for you”.
Is it really not for me? or …. I am just meant to fail.
However, the thing here isn’t about me falling all the time, this isn’t about how I failed and how heartbreaking it is.
It is about how blessed I am with a really good family. I caused a lot of trouble, I wasted thousands of money and I stumbled down high expectations. But they never left me, they cried with me and unbelievably still proud of me. This is about how they still pick me up despite everything.
And I can never put into words how much I wonder why they still understand me despite my failure.
As I look back, I am nothing but a burden, a pain in the eyes. I have this feeling ever since that when I am able, I must leave and get out of their sight.
Why do they love me so much when all I did was make them worry & give shame?
I was crazy scared, I was so upset, I was madly heartbroken but above all those extreme feels, what stood is the feeling of shame and the fear of breaking my loved ones’ hearts. It breaks my heart how they had to feel what I feel. It breaks my heart how they have to pretend that everything will be okay! It crushes my heart how they had to see me so miserable..
It’s super crazy because I really want to scream my heart out, I want to rant, I want to cry and let this all out but I had to stay composed because I might break the hearts of the people I dearly love.
The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness got back on me.
I tried hard and still trying not to entertain the darkness that has been knocking my heart but what do I do?
Why do our decisions always walk separate ways? :/
Just like how the thought of the article is, it’s crazy confusing.
Just like how the ending of the article is, it’s unknown.