I was the type of person that everyone wants to be friends with. Everyone wanted to be close to me simply because I was a happy, friendly and a very kind person. but one day everything changed. That very day, I changed and everyone changed as well.
I became someone that everyone wouldn’t like, I became someone I do not like and I became someone I do not even know. Those people I called my friends left me and I could feel that they are tired of how tiring I was.
I was alone, swallowed and broken. I have a very beautiful smile outside but if you could cut my chest and take a peek of how I was really doing, you’d know why tiniest things make me cry and lose hope. Out of a hundred, I had .00001% hope left in me and that’s what it kept me going until I met you.
I literally had no one, I knew how tiring I was so I kept what I really am to everyone. I had to draw a smile in front of all the people and had to hide my feelings to the people who can possibly help me. Adding insult to injury was always aim so I kept it all in the tiny body of mine who sometimes give up without knowing.
You approached me and I tried my best to hide how dark I was, I kept smiling and pretending to be that cool girl on the campus that everyone admires. Everyone wanted to befriend me, but I can’t even see one now.
Everybody knew how unpleasing I was and just avoided me. I tried my hardest to keep you on my side by not showing you how tiring I can be. But I am not always strong and I can’t always put an act about being that happy cool girl.
One day, I got tired of smiling and everything fell apart. You saw me at my worst. That very very very bad side of me that no one ever saw but still left. I whispered to myself, I lost a friend again.
Your eyes were wide open, and couldn’t even close your mouth in disbelief. I stared at you and you stared at me. You didn’t leave, you approached me and hugged me tightly. I never knew hugs could heal so much inside. I cried and cried and all you did was say it’s okay…. it’s okay!
I told myself, after that day that this guy wouldn’t probably talk to me anymore. He’d be super disappointed and scared to have me as a friend just like others. He’d be tired to listen to all my rants and over dramatic stories over and over again.
But he messaged me and even asked if I arrived home safely. He didn’t ask why or belittled me after all he saw.
I was challenged, I wanted to see how long he’d stay, I wanted to test if he has other motives for enduring me in my most miserable state. I showed him how tiring I was, but at the end of the day, he stayed with the same smile he had when he first approached me.
It felt good having someone on my side even when I was wrong. I feel like someone’s protecting my heart and that someone’s at my back to back me up in case.
Many times I broke down, I wanted to hide from him but he always ends up catching me like a Superman that comes out from nowhere. He taps my head like a dog and every time he does, he makes me stare at him and say could he be the one?
I drown on my own tears and after all of finding out how to cure the darkness that’s inside me, I finally knew how to get over when I met you.
All I ever needed was one person, any person. I thought being surrounded with people helps but I realized I just really need one.
One is enough to keep life rolling. I don’t need everyone to be at my side and I don’t need to carry everything on my own…
We’d been very close for almost 4 years now and I haven’t even done anything for you. I just text you when I want to rant about something or call you when I have a breakdown. I even pretended to be busy when you needed me. I was very unfair and very immature. I was chill because I knew you’d stay, I didn’t care much because I knew you’d always choose to be my side. I didn’t care because I knew you were head over heels.
I took you for granted and now that you left, I realized how important you are to me and how much I should be thankful to you. You built me, taught me how to be stronger and made me reminded me about God.
You took me away from the depression that almost ate me up alive, you became the bridge that lead me to again to the Lord, you were the shoulder I cry on and the strong hand that pulled me up even it almost destroyed you. You became God’s instrument who saved me from ending everything.
I took you for granted and I pray that when you come back, you will not make me regret even more…
I long to repay you for everything.
It’s amazing how a stranger can totally keep your life moving. I am not being crazy about love! Of course, the family keeps me going, but there are times when asking for their help would break their hearts even more, so you choose to keep it to yourself.