“Why can they and I can not?” It’s a question that I have always asked myself. What’s wrong with me that they can do what they want and I can not.. Is it because of the people around me or because of me?
When I was in college, I had this whole bunch of kuyas who always protected me and made my college life fun and exciting. They stayed with me with the whole ups and downs, and they have given me so many advice both helpful and not.
I was called the princess of the group, many envied me because I was always surrounded by these senior men. At first, it felt great having them around me.. Without them in a day is such a boring day for me and eventually, they are the reason that I feel excited to go to school.
Whenever I needed something, they always offer help and everything seemed so easy with them. It definitely felt like I had a dozen real brothers..
I was often misunderstood as flirt and slut for being around boys all the time, but I didn’t care because I know they are just jealous..
They take my time so much that I feel like 24 hours a day isn’t enough to spend time with them. I felt so lucky to have met people like them until one day, ….
They all left me, they had jealous girlfriends that would cause world war if we are seen spending time together, they all got busy with their activities and I was left always alone.
I got so used of them being around me, I got so used having them as my diary, I got so used to having them as my escape but now they are gone, busy with their lives.
One day, someone found me in a corner with broken glass on my hand, eyes were swollen and clothes wet with tears. Without a word, this schoolmate hugged me and figured out what I was about to do.
In a second he became a new window to the world. I grew close to him and I got comfortable with him.. My kuyas came back rushing after the news of me dating, they were mad and they kept telling me to break up with him.
I couldn’t understand. What’s so wrong? Is it about the guy? No. It’s about the fact that I’m dating.
What’s so wrong about me dating? Why can they date and I can’t? Why can they have a life and I can’t? Why is it not dangerous for them but dangerous for me? Why is it okay for them and not okay with me?
They answered: “Because we love you, we want to protect you”
Protect me from whom? Protect me from what? I settled with having no one, I settled with not drinking alcohol or rebel against my parents. But I realized, no matter how much my friends and kuyas love me, they will all leave me, they will be busy with their lives and will have lesser time for me..
I thought, aren’t they being too selfish? I can’t even do what I want because they want to protect me.
I have a life too, I have wants, I dislikes, and I have a dream..
If I get hurt, I’ll cry.
If I’m happy, I’ll laugh.
Is my existence that burden? I just want a life.
Why can they and I can not?